FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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