My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
