I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
