He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
