I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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