I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
We're too hungover to prance.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
