I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
