in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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