Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
PANTIES FOUND
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