sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize