my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
