What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
