the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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