Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
