glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
