drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
