I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
