I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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