Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
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