apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
