Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
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