look no pants
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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