I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Randomize
