How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
