he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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