I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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