You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
