Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
