i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
