Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm at about main and main street
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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