Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
There's always time for handjobs
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
