I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
