if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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