The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
