ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
This is the high leading the old right now
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
