i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize