singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
