how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
