You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
