He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize