At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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