Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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