it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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