im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
