I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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