First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
