just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
