she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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