i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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