it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
