Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
