I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
