I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Dignity is for republicans.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
