i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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