put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
