U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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