i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
