You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
