bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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