I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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