I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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