I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
