I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
