I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
