Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
