she was so not down for the gang bang
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
