youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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