Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
