im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
as a side note pls kill me
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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