I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
