You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
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