I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
