You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
