Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
