Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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