i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
