it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
