I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
