I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
