Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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