There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
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