hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
