cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize