your thong is hanging out like whoa
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
