I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Randomize
