he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
