OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
