Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
