Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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